


HEAVY HEART

by LuminaryMatrix



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, First story, M/M, Spoilers, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Time Travel, it gets happy eventually i promise-
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26475616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminaryMatrix/pseuds/LuminaryMatrix
Summary: Gakushu died. He was finally at peace.Until whatever cruel gods decided to bring him back for a second shot at life.
Comments: 26
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18643276) by [gwendee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendee/pseuds/gwendee). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had this story in my back pocket for a few months but i haven’t really gotten all that many chapters in it until recently. It’s heavily inspired by Gwendee’s story Dream, especially in the beginning so give her story a read too if you haven’t read it! (It’s amazing - I’ve read it so many times) 
> 
> Also if you didn’t read the tags this story will have many things regarding suicide especially in this first chapter so if you’re sensitive to this kinds of stuff please please stop reading and put your health first! Stay safe everyone and enjoy~

Gakushu stared off into the horizon of the setting sun. It was snowing out but he took off his jacket anyways, placing it onto the bench he was sitting on. He stood on the shore, facing the calm and freezing water. Gakushu was sixteen and was going to turn seventeen in an hour. But he wasn’t planning on staying alive that long. He placed his phone onto his jacket, but not before taking out the two unopened bottles of sleeping pills he had in the pockets. 

Quickly, he consumed all of the pills, almost gagging at the amount. Then he took his shoes off before slowly stepping into the chilly winter water. He gasped softly at the cold feeling but wouldn’t back down when he was this close from being free. 

This was it. His last moments alive. On his phone was a suicide note writen for his friends in case they ever wondered what led up to everything. There was an apology to the Big Five or soon what would be the big four, telling them to find a new leader and that he was sorry he let them down, an apology to his classmates for not being a good leader to them either, an apology to Karma, a person he considered his friend during the time they were in high school, saying that he was sorry for not sticking around long enough for him to tease anymore, and finally an apology to his father for not being a good enough son, for never being able to meet his standards and for being a failure. 

His entire body was freezing from the temperature of the water but he kept going, deeper and deeper, until his entire body was completely submerged in the freezing substance. His body wanted to start hyperventilating but he forced himself to stay calm and to continue on. 

Water rushed into his lungs when he took the first breath underwater. He grasped at his throat, out of survival instinct but refused to go back to the surface of the water. His lungs started to burn from the frozen, salty water. Soon the feeling faded and he was left with a disturbing sense of calm and not too long after that he was no longer breathing. 

::

Gakushu woke up in a heavy sweat and looked around his room. Nothing was out of place but he hadn’t changed his room decor in years. Although the books on the shelves and on his desk were books he had used back in junior high. He flung himself out of bed but his entire body felt off as if he had magically grown smaller. The world seemed much smaller too. That’s when he noticed his arms. They weren’t cut up, scraped, or burned like they were supposed to be. He quickly went to the mirror to stare at his appearance.

He was younger. He wasn’t in his sixteen-soon-to-be-seventeen body anymore. Gakushu was back to being fourteen. In a slight panic, he went over to check the date on his phone. The screen lit up showing off the date 20XX年1月1日. It was January first and he was three years in the past. 

He didn’t believe it - he wouldn’t believe it. He died, he could vividly remember water rushing through his lungs, he remember writing the letters to his friends he remembered evrything and all the reasons he had... 

Gakushu tries to stop his tears from flowing but buries his head in his hands not sure what to do. He was supposed to be dead. He killed himself. 

So why the hell did he deserve to be brought back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 ~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s always the little things that get him in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is a B. But here’s a chapter that’ll hopefully make your day a little better <3 because again school is a B
> 
> I started calling my friends (any myself) who go to school hell walkers since we’re school feels like hell and walkers because it’s cool and sounds cool so feel free to join in on that if you desire~
> 
> Also #endschool2020

Takeuchi, 2-A Class’ teacher, walked into the teacher’s lounge with a heavy sigh as she started to go over the student’s test papers. The kids had just gotten back from their winter break and already had to deal with a test on their first week back. She felt that it was ridiculous but wasn’t in any place to complain. Most of all she was worried about one of her students. Eventually more teachers came into the teacher’s lounge. 

Takeuchi was a generally positive but timid teacher. She tried to encourage students in the ways that she was allowed to, but didn’t have any backbone to stand up to other people. She was timid but nonetheless a good teacher. 

Normally she would ask the other teachers how they were doing and often asked whether any of them ever needed help with their work. When she didn’t do that and just ignored the other teachers all together they started to get slightly worried about their co-worker. Ueda, a male 2-C class, had been the first to question what had been bothering her. 

“One of my students, Asano Gakushu, he’s been off.” She stated while still trying to grade the test papers. She started off with the boy in question, since he was the first to finish as always. Morida, the 1-A class teacher and also Gakushu’s former teacher’s, eyes narrowed at her words, “What do you mean by off?”

“Asano is a great student, a model student. He normally pays attention in class and has this confident smile on his face all the time whenever he interacts with the other kids. But recently it’s been like a switch got flipped in his mind. One day everything is normal and the next he’s…. weird.” Takeuchi looked at the boy’s grade. He had gotten all the questions right, as expected, and finished quicker than he normally did. 

“Explain what you mean by weird.” 

“He hasn’t been paying attention in class.” Takeuchi informed the other teachers. “He.. he still does fine on his tests and still gets full marks but… I don’t know. It’s so unusual for him. I’m slightly concerned for his well-being.”

Morida stared at her as if she had horns on her head, “Asano? Not paying attention? The boy’s smart enough to get by without listening to your boring lectures so don’t put too much thought into it.”

“What’s this about one of my students not paying attention in class?” Gakuhou walked into the room, a grim expression on his face. The temperature in the room dropped a few degrees as the teachers all felt shivers going up their spines. 

“P-Principal Asano! Sir! It’s nothing really. He’s still doing fine on tests - in fact he’s doing better than ever but he’s just kind of in a daze whenever we go over topics.” Takeuchi was slightly panicked. She didn’t agree with Gakuhou’s teaching methods but she wasn’t in the position to undermine him. She considered Gakushu one of her best students so the last thing she wanted was for him to be hurt or to get kicked out of the classroom. After all, she wasn’t lying when she said he was doing even better than before on his tests. He was just… out of it after they all came back from winter break. 

Gakuhou hummed at the new information given to him, “Interesting… I’ll have to have a talk with the student in question. It’s quite shameful for a student to not pay attention during class don’t you agree?”

“Y-yes of course!” No she didn’t. There would always be exceptions to the rules. 

“Very well then. Go back to what you all were doing now.” He walked out of the room allowing for all the teachers to be at ease once again. 

“He’s so scary…” Ueda whispered. The other teachers nodded in agreement. 

::

After school Gakushu was called up to the principal's office. Takeuchi gave him a guilty smile before he had left, telling him that it was her who told on him. What exactly he did wrong he had no idea. His grades were as high as ever, he hadn’t been slacking on any of his student council jobs or studies, and he had attended all his extracurricular activities. He looked back on the past week since he had reappeared in the past and couldn’t find anything particularly off in his behavior that would warrant getting called up. 

Even with those thoughts in mind, he wasn’t surprised to get scolded for losing focus during class by the principal. More so angry at himself than anything. He almost forgot how suffocating it was to have his father breathing down his back every second of his school life. It made him want to take a second shot in the afterlife. 

Once he was allowed to escape the hellhole he made a mental note to look like he was paying attention in class more. Was he going to? Of course not, he had already been through junior high school once and retained the knowledge of a high schooler. He didn’t need to pay attention in class. 

But of course nobody else knew that about him. 

When he got back to the classroom it was the end of the day and everyone was packing up. The virtuous came to check on him after his principal met like always. Although he never understood exactly why they insisted on checking if he was okay. He always was. Except for that one time when the principal beat up the exchange students.

Or the time Ren scored higher than him overall by a point in first year

Or the time the principal brainwashed the four of them

Or the time that he tried getting him to poison E class—

Okay so maybe they had some reasoning to their worry, but nothing bad had happened this time so there was no need to be concerned. 

“What did that bastard tell you this time?” Tomoya snarled. He was hot headed and had a strong disregard for proper manners towards people he viewed as ‘lesser to himself’. A blaring flaw in his personality but one that was manageable as long as he never lashed out in a violent manner. Gakushu found it refreshing whenever Tomoya would outwardly curse the principal. He had guts, Gakushu would give him that much. 

“I need to focus in class or else I’ll be working as his corporate slave in the future or worse end up on the streets without anyone to care for me.” He grimaced repeating his father's words. They were never pleasant but the principal knew how much the words ‘corporate slave’ and ‘homeless person’ fucked up his mind, and he used that to his advantage. 

Natsuhiko winced, “Damn…” Natsuhiko’s ego rivaled that of Tomoya’s but Natsuhiko on the other hand had more smarts to back it up, at least in the academic playing field. He was rude and brash just like Tomoya although at the same time was more refined. He didn’t curse unnecessarily unlike his friend but besides that their differences seem to end. The only other thing was that Tomoya was an extrovert while Natsuhiko was an introvert, the only introvert in the virtuos. 

Ren sighed handing Gakushu his graded test paper, “I wish the principal wouldn’t berate you for simple things like that. You did amazing. One-hundred percent. It wouldn’t hurt for you to be a little less sometimes…” Ren was his best friend period. He was close to all the other virtuous, or at least he knew they were loyal to a degree, but he’s known Ren the longest and Ren has always been able to read him like an open book. And despite his playboy representation he was more of an…. aggressive gentlemen. He wanted to make women feel special and confident but did so in a way that made him seem like a player, which was arguable. 

Gakushu’s hand unconsciously went up to the cheek that the principal slapped in front of the classroom, “It would…” He whispered his words quietly. If they heard they didn’t say anything. 

Finally Teppei. Teppei was probably the least loyal to Gakushu out of them all but was also the least narcissistic. Yet at the same time he was also the second most caring after Ren, and honestly acted like a mother on very rare occasions. It was odd but not unpleasant. “Asano, would you like to study together with us sometime this week?”

He was busy most hours of the day because if he wasn’t spending every second of his time to learn he was slacking, and slacking was inexcusable. That and being in the house was suffocating. Studying with them didn’t sound like a bad idea to help get him out of the house. Gakushu thought back to his schedule before picking a time. 

“I’m free for two hours after martial arts as the child I was supposed to be tutoring has been ill. Is that an acceptable time frame for everyone else?” The other four nodded. They rarely got to hang out besides during school, mainly due to Gakushu’s harsh, crammed schedule. 

“We’re all good,” Ren smiled, “See you then Asano.”

Gakushu bowed to them politely before walking out of the room. It was only a few classrooms down when he realized he had forgotten his test paper and started to walk back towards the 2-A Classroom. 

“Okay is everyone clear for 6:30 to 8:30?”

Ren's voice. 

Gakushu stopped and took a second to listen to them all talking. 

“My mom wants me to babysit that little demon brat again. I’ll just cancel and get nanny to watch her.” Tomoya.

“I have time if I postpone my science experiment.” Natsuhiko.

“I had a club meeting but it’s just a review. They won’t miss me.” Teppei.

And back to Ren, “I’ll cancel my date quickly and then I’ll see you all at 6:30.”

Gakushu’s heart felt weird after hearing them all cancel their plans for him. His heart felt… warm. 

“Huh…” He spoke softly.

Maybe he should make some more time in his schedule to hang out with the virtuous'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gakuhou bro stop bullying your child who’s getting straight a’s not cool mate.
> 
> Takeuchi is kind of like Yukimura except a huge coward with zero backbone and zero self confidence. Instead of being the teacher Gakushu needs she’s the teacher Gakuhou needs and isn’t a bad person or character- i mean Gakuhou is SCARY guys but she’s not a teacher who stands out in Gakushu’s eyes. What Gakushu needs is a good lovable teacher who will stand up for him and maybe he might get one eventually maybe i said maybe don’t get your hopes up children
> 
> I don’t exactly remember where I heard it but apparently some of the Big Five feel a strong sense of loyalty/obligations to Gakushu because he’s stood up for them or something among those lines and my first thoughts were “Cute. I need to add that in a story.” And I did. :>
> 
> Enjoy friendly virtuous’ who love Gakushu enough to cancel their schedules for him on demand and just want to spend time with their cold yet lovable leader! (More interactions in the future but we’ll get to cannon stuff soon eventually maybe)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gakushu needs space and everything is confusing - but probably not in the way you would expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii sorry it’s been awhile school and I’ve been needing to spend more time on myself for awhile,,, unfortunately I don’t think this is gonna change anytime soon but I’ll twice or three times a month..?  
> Anyways take care of yourself!! Mental health before school work don’t overwork yourself and take care <3

Gakushu had always told himself he was over being anxious about things and over having mental breakdowns. Unfortunately for the sole Asano child that wasn’t exactly how the mind functioned. A few seconds of letting his mind wander and he was feeling nauseous. 

If someone asked Gakushu which year of his life was the worst it would be the one he was being forced to relive. The following years were mild but still painful in comparison. No amount of apologies could ever take away the pain of all the memories that-or rather this year had brought him. 

Dying was an experience to put it lightly, and, he believed he was a horrible person to think such a thought, he wouldn’t mind going through it another time. As long as he didn’t have to watch people get hurt again and stand by idly as he got abused. 

In his head he started imagining all the ways he could be killed gruesomely. An awful habit really, he didn’t even know if there was a word for it, but it was calming and that was probably the most concerning thing about it. 

The bell rang but he was too caught up in his mind to notice. 

Natsuhiko was the first to stand up to talk to him, “Hey Asano, I wanted to ask you a question about forensics science for class. Asano?” 

Gakushu’s poker face never wavered while he was lost in thought, a skill he had picked up on because of his family life. Natsuhiko placed a hand on his shoulder to try and catch Gakushu’s attention, only for Gakushu to grab his wrist and jump out of his seat before he could. A reflex. It attracted a bit of attention but Gakushu quickly cleared his throat, hopefully to displace the awkward atmosphere, “Koyama. You needed something?”

“Oh uh yeah, I had a question regarding forensic science… are you… okay?” Natsuhiko spoke cautiously. 

“Of course.” He answered curtly, “I was simply reviewing the future plans for the council's meeting.” 

Natsuhiko didn’t look convinced but continued with what he was going to say, “So about that forensics question, I wanted to ask about the chemical reaction behind luminol being able to make blood stains visible.” 

::

When school was over he just wanted to distance himself from the world for a while. There weren’t many places that allowed him to breathe but because the Class 3-E of history didn’t exist yet, there was one that was very close by.

He was the last to leave the student council room because he stayed back to work on some “extra things” before leaving to hike up the mountain. None of the current Class E students were willing to stray off the main path, in worry of getting lost, but Gakushu wasn’t a stranger to the mountain. 

Or at least he wasn’t to the mountain he was used to. 

It took a few extra minutes of navigating before he reached the top. The few extra minutes allowed for everyone to leave the classroom before he walked into the main classroom of 3-E. He wasn’t a stranger to the building. Even though, after their time at junior high ended and 3-E had bought the land and building, he still made occasional visits to escape or clear his mind. Was it technically trespassing? Definitely. Did he care? Of course not. 

He sat down in one of the backseat desks. The time he got caught sneaking up to the classroom by the red head he was told that the seat used to belong to him. Gakushu thought it was fitting, almost. 

He rested his head down on the desk and spread his arms out over the hard surface, as if he was a student sleeping in class. It felt nice to relax. 

…

…

… 

But unfortunately Gakushu can’t seem to catch a break.

He heard footsteps approaching and quickly jumped up out of his seat and attempted to reach for a textbook that he didn’t bring on instinct, panicking when he felt nothing on the desk. The door shot open and adrenaline was pumping through his veins but he kept a straight face.

“Why aren’t you studying?” From a cold voice… was what he was expecting. 

“Oh hello!” From a kind energetic voice was what he got, “I haven’t seen you around here. Don’t suppose you’re one of my students?” She joked teasingly. Gakushu relaxed when he realized it wasn’t his mother or father or another faculty member. Out of all the people he should’ve expected to see Aguri Yukimura there, as she was the official 3-E teacher, or at least, at the time.

Gakushu stared for a few seconds longer than he probably should’ve, trying to form a reasonable answer in his mind, “...I’m not a member of this class...” Gakushu wanted to punch himself in the face. He was supposed to be charismatic but that was the best thing he could come up with??

Instead of looking mad Yukimura just smiled and laughed before walking over to him, “I was joking. Aren’t you Gakushu Asano? The famous prodigy of the school?” He flinched slightly at the title. “Oh sorry… there must be a lot of pressure on you… I’m not making it any better. Sorry…”

Her genuine apology shocked him, “Oh it’s… fine… I’m used to it.”

“Mm….” Yukimura looked like she had a hundred things to say but wasn’t in a position to say them, “Well uh… What brings you up to my humble classroom?”

“I just….” He didn’t have an answer. 

“Of course you don’t need a reason! I think my students could learn to appreciate the scenery and fresh air a bit more! Isn’t it nice? It really helps you relax and clear your head.” 

“Yeah. It’s nice..”

“Anyways, I have work that needs to be done so I’m going to have to get going. Behave now! I doubt you would mess anything up so feel free to enjoy the fresh air as long as you need to! You’re always welcome back too.” 

You’re always welcome back…

Yukimura chirped out a final goodbye before rushing off into the staff room and then down the hill. 

Aguri Yukimura. He remembered hearing the story about her dying in a freak accident at the lab he assumed she was going to work at. Gakushu had never gotten to know her personally but she seemed really nice. She was able to read him like an open book, and he wasn’t sure if he should feel intimidated or glad. 

She was an interesting one alright...

::

How did Gakushu get into this situation?

No, not the time travel thing, something worse. 

He was just peacefully trying to finish off his classwork and homework during their freetime until Teppei approached him, dying of laughter from something he called a meme. Gakushu didn’t understand nor find it slightly humorous. 

Teppei sighed after he finished laughing, “You’re stone cold- I thought this meme was super funny.”

“I don’t… understand?” Gakushu spoke hesitantly. 

“GUYS!!” Teppei stared at him in horror, “H-He doesn’t get memes!!!”

Gakushu looked off to the side, slightly embarrassed, “Araki there’s no need to announce such a fact to the entirety of the class.”

“Wait…” Natsuhiko approached him with a picture talking about someone named Karen, “Asano please tell me you know what a Karen is.”

He raised an eyebrow at him, “Are you sure you’re using proper grammar? Karen is a proper noun not something you should be referring to as a thing or a category.”

Natsuhiko’s jaw dropped, “H-HE DOESN’T KNOW!”

One of their other classmates, Reiko Matsuda, quickly came over and slammed his hands on Gakushu’s desk, “HOW ARE YOU GEN Z??”

“Pardon me but, what?” Gakushu was now visibly confused. 

Ren placed a hand on his shoulder, “He’s uncultured.” 

“I’m very well educated in the knowledge of various different cultures, Sakakibara.”

“What does this image make you feel?” Teppei held up his phone, displaying another picture. It was a picture of a hand holding a remote pointing at a picture of cheese. Above was a caption, “ugh! my cheeses are being too loud!” And below was a volume meter. 

“Confused…” Gakushu admitted hesitantly. Cheese doesn't make noise and even if they did; why would the person have to turn the volume down using a remote instead of just telling them to be quiet? It didn’t make sense and just looking at it hurt his brain. 

One of the girls sniffled, “He’s a boomer…” 

“I have never once combusted anything…?” Everything was confusing. 

A Class ended up spending the entirety of free time trying to get Gakushu to laugh or smile at some sort of meme or be able to comprehend slang. By the end he was concerned for the well-being of society’s future once this generation took charge, and he was introduced to two things called owo and uwu which he still didn’t understand. 

He needed some coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know i said that I’ve been dealing with school and stuff but just out of curiosity would anyone want to read a pokemon universe x ac story or a Kagepro x ac story? They’d be detached from the original universe so anyone who hasn’t seen/played pokemon or heard of Kagerou Project would still be able to read. I just wanted to know if anyone was interested djskks
> 
> ALSO should Gakushu join E Class or stay with A Class? I’m very much undecided and struggling so any input would be very much appreciated!! Regardless of either choice the main ideas of the plot won’t change and he’ll still interact with the virtuous and E-3 so it’s mostly just which one you would rather see.


End file.
